Sabika Thapa – ‘Love‘….. what is the meaning of love? Is it just caring and sharing? Or is it only seeing the happiness of the person you love even if he/she is with you or without you? Or is it what I see it in my eyes for her…. I looked at her .She had those big beautiful eyes looking at me to say thousand of things which was running in her head and heart. With Tears she stood up and just left. It was heartbreaking to see her like this.

We have been friends since we were 18 years old. We were in college together. The first day I saw her was when she entered the class room wearing a grey cotton pant and white shirt with a dark blue tie. She had a hair done neatly making a pony tail. She has dark complexion and not much beautiful. Nobody noticed her in the college. I never had a reason to talk to her. I did not noticed her much either like all others. As I know she came to college and after the classes was over she left. She did not have many friends.

Term was ahead and due to being absent I had missed some lectures. I had no choice so I went to her, asking for notes as to my knowledge she was a good and punctual student. I thought maybe she could help me this moment. I went to her and looked at her. I said “Hi, can I borrow your notes?’ she looked at me with question mark in her face. Then I said ‘ Hi, I am Shlok , Im from your class and I have missed some lectures and if u could help me with the notes. She smiled and said ‘yes sure’, It was the first time I watched her so close. As I already said she wasn’t that beautiful but there was something in her which was quite interesting.

Days passed and I always borrowed her notes though I needed or not. Her name was Reha. I talked to her about lot of thing when I met her. We started enjoying each other’s company. I loved to watch her when she talked laughed and smiled. Her voice was pure melodious sound into my ears. Her eyes always sparkled like a diamond when she talked. I started to wait for her for the class and after class. My heart started to bounce out of my chest when she approached near me. I kept thinking about her late nights. She was such a pure soul. She had so much life inside her. Her advices were so true and pure. I kept thinking for myself that ‘Am I falling in love with Reha?’ Every day I watched her, listened to her.. The more time I spent with her I liked her more and more. All the moment spent with her was very special for me. Our college year came to an end but our friendship never ended. After college was over she got a job in a co-operative office as a marketing manager. I was struggling to apply for further studies in foreign country. I had no job so I had more leisure time. After office I always met Reha for coffee. We talked about college and friends parents and future. Days passed and months and a year.

One day after thinking a lot I decided to tell her about how I feel about her. I wanted to propose her. Around 4pm in the evening my cell rang. Reha was calling me. I received the call and she said ‘ Shlok please come to the café where we meet I have something to tell you. Sound of her voice was so happy and excited .I was so nervous and I said ‘ I have something to tell you too’. I got in my bike and rode off. Music playing in my ear and the warm feeling of the sun was pleasing. Everything looked perfect on my way. Soon I reached the café and got off from bike and rushed to the main door and entered and I see her, the most amazing girl in the world. She was wearing a pink trendy top with her hair untidily done but she looked beautiful.

She had pink lipstick on her lips her dark eyes were beautifully shining. She had a big smile on her face. She was shining like a pretty star. I was so happy to see her but still no guts to tell her how I felt for her and how much I loved her. The café was not so big. It had around 6 tables and 2 chairs to each table. The café was white in color with pictures of flowers and some seaside scenes. I saw Reha sitting in the corner near a big glass window. The light of setting sun fell on her skin. She looked bright and happy. I sat opposite to her in the same table in another chair. She smiled at me and I smiled at her back. We both opened our mouth to speak at the same time. We stopped and laughed. She said ‘Shlok! u said u had something to tell me?’. I said ‘ no no first u go ahead. You tell me what u wanted to say’ with an inquisitive expression. With a big smile she said ‘ I am in love’…I never felt so happy before’. My heart started to beat out of my chest and I felt so nervous.I wondered ‘oh boy! Now I can tell her my feelings, im glad she feels the same for me’. Then she opened her mouth wide open and her hands flying in air she said ‘ his name is Rajeeb’ sparkling her eyes. I felt the earth moving away from me beneath my feet. I was so confused. I did not know what to do.. to be happy in her happiness or to be sad that I loved her and she loved someone else. My heart was turning blue purple. Everything seemed unhappy, dark and sad. She gave me a jerk and asked ‘Shlok! Are u listening?’ I opened my mouth to speak with a smile and pretending to be happy, I said ‘ Wow, I feel Happy for you. He is a lucky guy to have you’. She laughed and said ‘ Oh c’mon don’t say that’. She was so happy that she forgot I had told her I had something to tell her. I chose to be happy in her happiness. I said ‘ Good luck and I am very happy for you’. She started to explain how it happened and who that man was and what she felt and how he proposed her. Well that guy was from her work. They had nice chemistry going on. Reha was very happy and I was indeed happy to see her happy.

After that day I thought maybe I should not bother her much because now she has someone who can take care of her and make her happy. She started calling me less and meeting me less. When she talked to me she never got tired of talking about that guy. She was living well and as far I know that guy loved her too. Mean time I had applied for Australia for further studies. After waiting for one and half year finally I got the visa and admission in the college in Australia. It had been a dream for me. I arranged for my travel. Days passed and only a week was left for me to travel. I had to tell about it to Reha. She was so busy with her boyfriend that she had no time for me.

I was again confused about should tell or not. My Family was so excited they pampered me and helped me with my packing and things. Relatives came to wish me good luck and friends too. Four to five days passed and finally tomorrow evening is my flight. I lay in my bed and took out some old pictures and watched them. My childhood, school life, college life, friends and then Reha. ‘Reha’ Love of my life. I loved her so much. My love for her is eternal I thought to myself. I would always pray that she would always stay happy and healthy. My eyes filled with tears. I could never say her how much I loved her. I could never tell her that I would always keep her happy and never let a drop of tear in her eyes. Now she is without me but very happy. I am happy because she is happy. This is my way of love.

           Next day I met some old friends and had just taken shower in the late afternoon. My phone rang and I just slipped it in my hand to see. It was Reha calling me. I picked it up and said ‘ Hey Reha, how have u been and how are things?’ There was a very sad voice from the other side of the phone. Reha said ‘ Can I see you in the café as soon as possible? I have something to tell you’. I said ‘ok I’m on my way, I have something to tell you too’. Then there was silent on both side of the phone. After couple of seconds she hung up. My family was not happy about me leaving the house before my travel. My heart was full of love for her. I wanted to see and meet Reha before I left. I entered the café and I saw her in the same corner of the café. This time It seemed night had fallen already. She looked very sad and very upset.

   There was no sparkle on her face. She was wearing a denim trouser with white shirt and a pink scarf in her neck. She had no make-up and her hair was untied. The soft air coming through the window was blowing her hair slowly. I sat down and looked at her with a smile. She gave me a weak smile. I said ‘ Hey how have u been?

Are you feeling ok?’ She cleared her throat to speak and I continued ‘Tell me what u wanted to tell me?’ She turned away from me to the window for a while and with a weak smile she said ‘ Hey, I am ok. How have you been? U said u had something to tell me?’ I watched her and said ‘ No, u go ahead first’. She said ‘ No Please Shlok you tell me first’. I opened my mouth and with a confusing smile I said ‘ I am leaving for Australia tonight. I have my flight at 7 pm. I am going for further studies’. Reha wasn’t happy to hear those words. Her eyes filled with tears as she heard me speak my words. She looked down and her tears rolled down her cheeks falling on the table. She stood up and looked at me and with a weak smile along with tears rolling down she said ‘ Good luck Shlok, I’m going to miss you’.

Then she left the café. I was sitting there alone. I had no idea what had just happened. I even did not know what she had come to tell me. Suddenly I looked at my wrist watch; time was running so I got up to leave. I rushed home and then I left for airport. On my way I tried to call Reha but her cell was switched off and she wasn’t at her home. Exactly at 7pm i was onboard on the aircraft. I thought to myself that I shall always love Reha and pray for her wellbeing.

         After couple of years I saw Reha’s pictures in facebook. I came to know that she got married. She looked happy and beautiful. I’m happy that now she is settled and has a wonderful married life. My best wishes shall always be with her. She never knew how much I loved her and I never knew what she had come to tell me that day…..