Sabika thapa –

I opened my eyes and I found myself in a boat all alone. The boat was paddling and I found myself lying inside. I had no idea where it was heading. I looked around with anxiety but I could see nothing except the enormous ocean. I sat down and tried to recall why and how I was there. After some time I saw a dark figure far in the horizon. Trying to recall was waste because my mind was empty and I remembered nothing. Soon the dark figure happened to be a huge cave. The boat moved through the entrance into the cave. It was all rocky and dark inside with only the sound of boat rowing and drops of water falling. Almost 500 meters away I saw a glimpse of light. It was a peculiar place and I was full of curiosity and anxiety. When I reached the light, it was dead end with a stairs of rocks. The light came from a flambeau.

I got off from the boat and started to ascend toward the door seen at the top of the stairs. I reach the top and I see an old wooden door. I open the door with hopes that I will be somewhere safe on the other side of the door. To my surprise the other side of the door has another stairs descending to a room with a big couch. It looked much like a nice and cozy home. I shut the door behind me and I step down wondering where I was and was it some kind of fairy tale happening. I reach the room and I look around. A big red couch lies on the right corner and a door on the opposite. With much curiosity I open the door of the room and I see a big neighborhood. The sun is bright and lots of flowers blooming around. The smell of the flowers were amazing, all people looked happy singing and dancing around as if there was some kind of fest going on. I took some steps outside the house and I see trees with all kind of fruits, flowers of all seasons, air seemed fresh and sweet, people looked happy, carefree and without tensions. Suddenly I see a woman working in the garden. I walk up to her and clear my throat to speak, she turns to me and I see my mother looking right at me with a bright smile. She looked calm, happy and much younger than what she usually is. She was wearing a floral gown with hair tidily done. She said; ‘Oh you are here my dear’. I just nodded my head as I was so much confused. She opened her garden gloves and kept it aside a rose plant and cleaned off.

I watched her and I felt as if I had seen her after a long time. I said; ‘ Mom, I missed u a lot’ and with another bright smile she said; ‘I know my baby’. Then she gave me a tight hug and held my hand walking inside the room with that big couch. We sat and she watched me without any word. She looked so beautiful with that soft curly hair, big dark eyes twinkling and such an amazing smile. Her soft hand holding my hand I had the best feeling ever. Slowly my eyes began to fill with tears and I said; ‘ mom I felt really alone without you, why did u leave me and go because I need u now and always’. Her reply was; ‘Sweetheart, I have always been with you. Why do u even think that’. I don’t know why I said that because I spoke what I just felt and thought. I had no idea what was I thinking and moreover I had no idea what was happening. Then I slipped from the couch and sat on the floor and put my head on her lap. She gently touched my hair and said; ‘ You are my strong little baby and I have always been proud of you and I know you will never disappoint me’. I said yes with a low voice. Suddenly I feel a peculiar pain in my lower abdomen, some kind of hefty pain. I put my right hand in my abdomen and see but everything seemed normal. My mother kept talking to me and telling about time we had spent and all the things I did when I was a child. I felt so good and secure to be with her. Then she gave me a grip in my shoulder and said; ‘My dear its time, u must go back’. With a surprise I asked why I should be going back and where. I told her that i wanted to stay with her and the place seemed very nice. I also promised that I would not trouble her and always be a good girl. She calmly said to me that it was not where I was supposed to be. I was more and more confused with every word she told me. I also explained how I had come there and I had nowhere to go. She said just go and everything will be at its place. I denied because I wanted to stay with her and I loved her more than anything in this world. I also asked her to come with me but she refused. She said; ‘ You are my obedient little girl and you promise not to disappoint me, so please do as I say’. She convinced me to go back. Then she gave me a tight hug and kisses on my both cheeks and forehead. I started to take steps on the stairs and after five steps I turned back and I see my mother with a smile. Though I didn’t want to go back I reach the door where I had entered. I opened the door and all of sudden I felt a falling sensation.

I saw nothing, it was dark and all I could hear was the ‘Tik- Tok’ sound of a clock. I tried to open my eyes slowly and I saw a wall clock hanging right in front of me, which showed exactly 9 pm. I felt pain and tiredness in my body. I was lying in a bed and roving my eyes around a nurse came up to me. I whispered where I was and what happened to me. The nurse replied; ‘ You just underwent a major surgery and you need rest, you are fine’. Then she smiled, trying to comfort me. I had oxygen tubes in my nose, cannula in my right hand introducing medication from my vein. Slowly I tried to feel my body with my left hand and there was E.C.G pads on my chest monitoring my heart beat and lots of plaster in my lower abdomen. I rested my left hand and looked at the ceiling and coming back to my consciousness a chilled feeling ran from my upper spinal. Suddenly I realized my meeting with my mother but the reality was my mother passed away three years back and since then I always missed her. Then the conversation with my mother made sense to me. My eyes filled with tears then it dropped down on the pillow from the corner of my eyes.